Part I, Book 3, Chapter 9
A Merry End to Mirth
This is the last chapter of Book 3, and man, the Four Bros suck.
Said Bros have just left and the Gal Pals are gathered at the windows; they see their lovers emerge onto the street, wave goodbye to them, and disappear into the crowd. The Gals wonder what the Bros will bring back as a surprise; Favourite hopes it’s gold.
While they wait, they people-watch the activity on the Champs-Élysées, which actually sounds really great—people-watching in Paris is one of my favorite things. At one point a stage coach stops and starts again, and Fantine comments that she didn’t think stage coaches did that.
Favourite says, “She’s amazing, this Fantine. […] She marvels at the simplest things.”
Sorry, Fantine, but this was incredibly funny. Between Favourite’s snark, Dahlia’s outburst, and Hugo describing Fantine as “virtuous” but not “philosophical,” I wonder if we’re being made to understand that Fantine is…not considered very smart.
After a very long time, the waiter comes in with a letter, saying “the gentlemen” gave him instructions not to give it to the Gal Pals until an hour had passed after they’d left. This does not bode well.
Favourite, who is the only literate one of the Gal Pals, takes the letter, which says “THIS IS THE SURPRISE” on it. Is there such a thing as a good surprise delivered in this manner? Because this has such bad vibes.
She reads the letter, which is from the Four Bros and explains that they’re all going home to their parents (not beating the overgrown manchild allegations), are already on the road, and are returning “to order, to duty, to society.” It’s very likely that the stage coach Fantine saw stopping was in fact picking up the Four Bros and speeding them away from their mistresses.
With the special type of arrogance that only privileged young men have, they write, “It is important for the country that […] we should be prefects, family men, rural police officers and state councillors. Respect us.”
I want to shove these useless men off a cliff. “Important for the country”? Screw that, it’s important to me that they be shoved in a dumpster somewhere.
The Bros sign off the letter by sayings, “For nearly two years we have made you happy. Do not hold it against us.”
Blech, these douchebags could not be even douchebaggier if they tried. This is a ghosting for the ages.
All the Gal Pals start laughing. Favourite, Zéphine, and Dahlia think it’s a great joke. Favourite, who is probably relieved more than anything, says “I love [Blacheville] for it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” You can tell she’s thrilled she doesn’t have to figure out how to break it off and is already thinking about the boy she really loves—I hope she goes home and makes her move.
Fantine laughs along with her friends, but an hour later, alone in her room, she weeps; she truly loved Tholomyès and, Hugo reveals, she has a child.
OH NO. FANTINE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO HAVE SEX WITH THAT MAN.
And thus ends Book 3.
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