Part II, Book 3, Chapter 10
Who Seeks to Gain May End Up Worse Off
If you, like me, got a little exasperated/worried about Valjean being too much of a pushover in the previous chapters—throwing money at the Thénardiers, paying their inflated charges without complaint, handing over 1500 francs immediately—then you will find this chapter extremely satisfying.
We start off with Thénardier triumphantly returning to his wife 1500 francs richer, his debt cleared (how does one rack up a 1500 franc debt? Is this where having to pay a guy to haul water gets you?), and she immediately asks, “Is that all?” She’s got a point, but lady, you are the one who was happy to hand Cosette over for free! I don’t think you have the right to criticize, here!
Thénardier realizes that he totally effed up not asking for more—not that I want Valjean to hand more money over to these horrible people, but he’s totally right: he missed his opportunity to make an actual profit here. So he runs out of the inn and is shown which way Valjean and Cosette went by some annoyingly helpful passerby, and runs after them. He realizes midway that he forgot to bring his gun with him, a thing I am incredibly relieved about, both as someone on Team Valjean and as an American.
Our oily little innkeeper catches up with Valjean and little Cosette a ways out of town, at which he hands the banknotes back and declares that he’s reclaiming Cosette. (I’m not sure that you can issue refunds on children, but we’re operating in a very gray area here.) This is, verbatim, how Hugo depicts Valjean’s response:
“Looking Thénardier straight in the eye and separately articulating every syllable, he replied, ‘You are ta-king Co-sette back?’”
SCREECHING. Our kind, patient, long-suffering Valjean is speaking to Thénardier like he is a total idiot, and I am here for this savagery. I can only imagine how blisteringly disdainful this is in French.
Thénardier, in hopes of putting Valjean in the kind of bind that only bribery will fix, announces that, actually, he had no right to relinquish Cosette without her mother’s consent, and as such he needs to see a document signed by Fantine “saying that I’m to hand the child over to that person.”
So without missing a beat, Valjean whips out…a document signed by Fantine saying “You will hand over Cosette to this person.”
I’m cackling, that’s how funny this whole thing is to me.
Thénardier makes one last stand and claims that he is still owed money for Cosette’s care, and as such cannot let her go. To which Valjean calmly recites all the sums he and Fantine sent the Thénardiers that year, tallies them against the “debts” Thénardier had claimed, and concludes that Thénardier has been overpaid to the tune of 1500 francs. BOOM! Thank god this man learned math in prison school.
Out of complete desperation, Thénardier wildly demands that he be paid 3000 francs, on the spot, to which Valjean says nothing and just walks off with Cosette in tow. Iconic.
Thénardier, a man who does not appear to know when he is beaten, follows them, even darting into the thick woods when they do, until finally Valjean turns around and stares him down “in such a sinister way” that Thénardier hightails it out of there. As someone whose cat once gave me such a nasty look that I still remember it to this day, I hereby claim this as further proof that Valjean is a cat.
Tough luck, Thénardier—you grifted too close to the sun. This is why you do not mess with 24601!
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